Keeping Up With The Boys!


Thursday, June 4, 2009

I Want To Go See A Movie

I need a babysitter, bad. I need to go out and see a movie or I'm going to get cabin fever. I get so excited at the prospect of watering my yard while Matt watches the boys. I get to be outdoors and by myself. It is nice. I don't care that I get covered in mud, bitten by mosquitos, and get sprayed with the sprinkler, yardwork has become my vacation.
I love my little boys, but sometimes after a long day, I feel like I just want a moment alone. I know I chose this for my life and I have no right to complain, but I wish I had the ability to go out maybe once a month, or once every other month. during my pregnancy, I didn't get to enjoy a meal out for 9 months because I could never keep any food down. Now I am just not able to with the little ones.
I get to go to a baseball game tonight. I jumped at the opportunity. I'm happy to be able to get out of the house, but at the same time, I think Matt and I would rather go out to a dinner where we weren't on pins and needles trying to curb a crying baby/babies or running through drive-thru, but this wasn't our choice. I think a movie would have been nice because there are so many movies we want to see. Plus, there isn't a ton of walking involved and we won't have to worry about the weather. Matt and I are suffering from exhaustion. I know it isn't fair to be tired, when my Mom watches them during the day. I really can't say I'm tired around her because it would be selfish.
If I could be a stay at home Mom, I really would.
It is so hard to wake up, get ready for work, put in a full day at the office, come home, clean the house, help Matt feed the boys when he comes in, go outside and water the yard, come in, make dinner, give Matt a break, bathe the boys, make their bedtime bottles, put them to bed, then I can either shower myself or crawl in bed. At that point, the boys will wake up between 1 and 5 times a night. Most of the time, I get up with them, not because Matt wouldn't, but because I wake up to the crying first and immediately bolt to them to see what is wrong.
I have to admit, I feel guilty about my yard-work. I feel like it is unfair that I get that time alone during the day. In fact, I feel guilty for any free time I ever get. I feel guilty for this game tonight. I feel guilty for having been a Matron of honor in a wedding. I also felt guilty that I was going to another wedding this month, but our babysitter just cancelled on us, so I probably won't be going to that. I just feel like I'm not supposed to go out and do anything since I have twins. There are not many people who can handle newborns, and therefore, I'm obligated to stay with them and maintain my home and family.

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